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by Jeffrey Leiken, M.A.
Those who have tracked my work over the years might be asking what in
the world I would be doing making a list of seven absolute anythings
when it comes to working with youth. I have always maintained there is
no simple formula for working with humans because they are both dynamic
(ever changing) and primarily emotional (not rational). While I've
always understood the appeal of lists like these, counseling work is
just not that simple.
What then is different about this list? When you read it, you will find
statements so specific that they will in fact generalize to what could
be considered universal truths. If embodied and impeccably practiced,
they would have a significant positive impact on your camp culture and
the lives of those in it. In reverse, when you consider things that didn't
go right in the past, note how many of them would have been avoided had
these "absolutes" been followed.
This is designed to share with your staff during orientation, even to
put it in your handbook. I suggest coming back and revisiting the list
several times throughout the summer. When you read them, you'll
understand why!
Never assume your playful sarcasm, especially use of nicknames, will
be taken as you intend it.
In fact, assume that at some point it will be taken so wrong that you
will deeply regret it. Sense of humor is much more cultural and personal — than
it is universal — yet few people realize how true this is. Many
males, in particular, have grown so accustomed to the endless ribbing
that they forget there was a point where they learned to shut themselves
off emotionally from the sting that is felt when on the receiving end
of a put down. This is not a good thing. It is a survival mechanism response,
and it makes it harder to be at ease opening up and trusting others.
Most children haven't reached this point, and with your help, hopefully
they'll never have to. Your best bet is to keep it positive and
model for your campers how to relate without the constant "jokes." It
will take some work, but the benefits will make it all worth it!
Always follow through on what you say you'll do. Never promise
what you can't deliver.
Only make commitments you are 100 percent certain you will keep — this
goes for anything and everything, not just rewards and consequences.
It is easy in a moment of inspiration to make a promise with the best
intentions, only to find that when the time comes to deliver, other things
get in the way. This is particularly true when it comes to doling out
consequences, especially in an emotionally charged moment.
Kids have the most amazing way of remembering the intricate details
of what adults tell them. Not following through diminishes credibility,
and credibility is a hard thing to regain once it is lost. Inconsistency
in adults is one of the most common things children encounter, so the
opposite is also true. Being the kind of person who always follows through
on what you say, elevates your status in the eyes of your campers immeasurably.
This is, in fact, one of the most common qualities kids talk about when
they speak about the adults whom they trust the most. It is a simple
point, yet it can make all the difference.
Always intervene when you hear campers put each other down. Never believe
a camper who says, "It doesn't bother me."
In our lives we are either growing into the people we can become or
putting energy into protecting who we are. We can't have both simultaneously.
Camp is one of the few places where we can control the external environment
enough to give children an extended opportunity to grow.
Too many stories of kids who wind up in great trouble start with the
innocent name calling and the adults who ignored it when they had the
chance to do something about it. Letting it slide by — even once — sends
a message that you condone the behavior, or at the least that you'll
only respond when it is extreme. It truly doesn't matter how skilled
a counselor you are at intervening, just saying something about it being "not
okay" or "un-cool" is enough to disrupt the flow of
what is going on. Intervene consistently, and you'll establish
a culture that does not permit this negative behavior. Who knows, doing
so may also save a life someday.
Check in with every one of your campers every day, and make certain
to ask the right questions.
With the number of events and interactions in a typical camp day, more
goes on than any one person can possibly stay on top of. Even counselors
with a small group of eight to twelve kids have everything they can do
to keep up with things. It can be easy to let several days go by without
spending one-on-one time with every camper, especially when they seem
to be having fun and doing fine.
To counter this, make it a point to sit next to different campers at
each meal, do individual activities with your campers during rest hour,
and ask each of them to speak about their day at bedtime each night.
Make a nightly ritual of asking each camper to take a minute and answer
questions like, "What was the best part of your day?" and "What
was the most challenging part of your day, and what did you learn from
it?" You'll be amazed by the things you'll learn and
what it tells you about what matters to your campers. Most importantly,
you'll be prepared to address all concerns without anything or
anyone "slipping through the cracks." The essential thing
is to do this every day, without fail, no excuses!
Make something special out of unstructured time — especially bedtimes.
Many of the best camper-counselor moments happen during unstructured
times like free play, rest hour, and bedtimes. This is also the time
that many counselors spend the least amount of their times with their
campers — choosing instead to take breaks or rush to get their
evening time off. If you spend time with your campers during these times,
you will truly discover the magic of camp and the camper-counselor relationship.
The value of creating nighttime rituals is immeasurable. In particular,
the tradition of story telling is as old as human history. There is a
powerful bonding that happens when elders gather with the young and tell
stories that lead them on journeys of their imagination. Contrary to
what many people believe, story telling is not something that gets "graded"
by your campers. Telling any story that is appropriate for someone their
age is enough to generate the bond and make your campers feel more connected
with you. The effort you put in at night will pay great dividends in
terms of the respect and closeness they feel with you during the day.
It might just provide the best memories you have of your summer, as well.
When in doubt, don't!
Every time your campers ask you if they can do something that you do
not already know with 100 percent certainty is okay to do, stop, pause,
and consider carefully before answering. The most essential responsibility
you'll be asked to fulfill as a camp counselor is to keep your
campers safe. Most accidents in camp happen because of careless errors
that could easily have been prevented. Often times it is violating the
simple rules that young counselors do not think are that important — things
like not running on the dock or allowing campers to run around barefoot
where they are not supposed to. The rules are often a result of having
learned from past mistakes. Follow them, and you can benefit from their
misfortunes in the past, and not make them yours.
Many other troubles arise when counselors make decisions to allow spontaneous
mayhem to occur — things like "raids," pranks, and
even pillow fights. There are ways to let mayhem happen in a controlled
way, and there are ways that result in a serious loss of control. Remember
that kids are much more driven by the emotional rush of the fun they
are having in a moment than by considerations of safety. In fact, you
can assume that at some point you will have to say "no" to
something they just can't understand. It may not make you popular
in that moment, but it will keep them healthy for when they bounce back,
as they always do.
It is always better to be thought of as a great counselor by your director,
than to be thought of as a cool one by your campers.
The vast majority of your time this summer will be spent with people
younger than you. For most counselors, this is a new and unusual experience.
It is not always easy to maintain the proper boundaries, especially if
you get tired and fatigued. Veteran camp staff members have their stories
of the times they slipped and took something personally or found themselves
getting drawn into behaving on their campers' level — and
regretting it afterwards!
Working with children should be fun, and being able to access your playfulness
in order to connect with your campers is essential to your success. Just
make certain that you always remember that you are the adult and that
you are hired to be professional in all your decision making. Just think
about the adults who played the most positive roles in your life growing
up. While they may have been "cool" at times, they always
kept your best interest in mind. Though they are always on your side,
this certainly doesn't mean they always take your side. Take this
approach with your campers and you too will have the same kind of positive
impact on their lives as those people have on yours. Your value to the
camp will skyrocket as well!
As with any list of this sort, it is never complete. However, if you
follow through with these seven absolutes, you will minimize the lows
and maximize the highs . . . and what else would you want? Summer is
too short for it to be anything less than fantastic.
Originally published in the 2006 May/June issue
of Camping Magazine. |
