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by Peg L. Smith, Chief
Executive Officer
During this summer season, one of our popular
media stories has been about parents and "kidsickness," a
phrase coined by Bob Ditter. It is also true
that during the past two summers, more often
than not, camp directors have mentioned to me
the heightened expectations and demands from
parents. What is this about? What are the implications?
It appears the culture of parenthood in America
is changing.
If this is true, what is at the
core of this phenomenon? It would be easier for
all of us if we could simply point to one causal
factor. I believe there is any number of circumstances
leading to this new parental profile. I want
to share some of my observations.
- The Principle
of Happiness: I do not remember my parents
striving to make me happy. Quite the contrary,
there were times they made it abundantly clear
that was not their goal. They did, however,
want me to grow up to be a responsible, productive
adult. I am sure that is true for parents today.
However, I believe they want to make their
children happy, as well. Is that a realistic
goal and at what cost?
- The Fix-it Principle:
Life and learning is a process of successes
and failures. Failure is the fertilizer for
success. Today, it appears many parents, in
their attempt to be sure their children are "happy," don't
want them to be disappointed or face the consequences
that come from mistakes. As parents, we negotiate "rescues." We
excuse, defend, and fix far too many problems
for our children.
- Stranger Danger: For nearly
two decades, we have been bombarded with dark
images of a very scary world. Although there
are dangerous situations and people in our
world, it is a safer world when we navigate
from a position of informed knowledge rather
than one of fear and dread.
- Ages and Stages:
Youth development continues to be a mystery
to the world at large. What are the key developmental
stages a young person must experience in order
to be a responsible, productive adult . . .
and, yes, even happy? Too often, I fear we
have forgotten the importance of resiliency,
independence, and responsibility. As a parent,
it is actually our job to give our children
opportunities to fly "solo" even
if we have other supports in place to help
ensure a safe "flight."
- Fame and Wealth:
Have we also changed our definition of success?
According to Teenage Research Unlimited, Inc.,
many teens believe anyone can be famous if
they just try hard enough (one in five teens
truly believes he/she will be famous) because
our media and cultural environment suggests
anyone can be a celebrity (TRU Study 2006).
The road to success seems to be a rather long,
arduous path paved by academics or fame, or,
even worse, infamy. Will we lose our character,
depth, and innovation if led down such a linear
path?
- Technology Tether: Technology is a
wonderful tool. Yet, it can also serve as a
tether or a noose in a world operating from
a position of fear. Immediate access and satisfaction
are today's norms.
Parents didn't create nor do they own
this reality, yet, they must manage the challenge
with the opportunity.
I don't believe any
one of these observations suggest anything dire.
On the other hand, when combined do they create
an environment for the Perfect Parent Storm?
When we label parents "helicopter" parents
or suggest they are suffering from "kidsickness," do
we diminish the importance of how we might understand
and add value to those parents who are attempting
to parent in today's complex world? I know
Bob and others truly understand how hard it is
to be a parent today, and we use terms and phrases
as short-hand descriptors of a rather complex
situation. That said, we realize more than ever,
how important it is to partner with today's
parents. Because, there is one thing that has
not changed — parents want to do a good
job raising their children. Now there's
opportunity.
Reference
TRU Study (Fall 2006/Wave
48) conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited,
Inc.
Originally published
in the 2008 September/October issue of Camping
Magazine.
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