More Than a Village: Fostering a Community Response to Underage Drinking
Healthy Teens—First in a Series of Three Articles

by Stephen G. Wallace, M.S. Ed.

How to Say It
Conversation Opener DOs and DON'Ts

Talk at a time that's convenient for both of you.

Remember that what's a good time for you may not be a good time for them! Teens hate being pulled away from their friends, their iPods®, or their favorite camp activity to "talk." Casual or unstructured times, such as during a meal or simply a walk around the camp, often provide the best setting for constructive dialogue.

Express your desire to hear your camper's views.

Because we are so anxious to get our points across, we often forget to make the conversation a two-way event. Teens don't want to be talked at or to —they want to know that they have some say in the matter and that we are interested in what they think! It's okay, even important, to state the obvious: "I value your perspective and care what you think about kids your age who try alcohol." It may sound gratuitous, but we need to clearly and explicitly tell teens how we feel and what we mean. Don't assume they know!

Communicate your wish to relate to each other.

It's never a bad idea to reiterate that we want very much to have open, honest relationships with our campers and are willing to work to find ways to be close. Teens want to feel connected to the important adults in their lives and appreciate knowing we feel the same way. You might say, for example, "I know that as kids grow older it's often hard for them to be as close to adults as they were when they were younger. And I appreciate the fact that you want to be independent. I think that's a good thing. But I hope we can find ways to spend time together and to talk about things that are important to you."

Listen carefully.

This point can't be stressed enough—and may take some practice. We communicate best with teens when we hear what they say, listen for the feelings behind the words, and then reflect back to them what we believe they have said. For example, "I hear you saying that you don't think you should be drinking but aren't quite sure how to say no if everyone around you is using alcohol." This approach disciplines us to listen carefully and demonstrates to teens that we are truly trying to understand what they are telling us!

Originally published in the 2006 November/December issue of Camping Magazine.