Working at camp changed the way I view the world, and today my “camp counselor days” show up in my adult life in many ways.

If there is a series of unfortunate events leading to moments of chaos with my kids, I consider myself an ace at getting things back under control. If someone is feeling super emotionally unregulated, I know how to sit in those messy emotions with them long enough that logic takes back over. Although the skills to reliably start a one-match fire didn’t stick, in a survival situation, I think I would be a huge asset. I can lead a sing-along at a moment’s notice because I know getting people to sing together builds community, even when things feel out of control.

Setting the Scene — The Cup Conflict of 2007

I am also keenly aware of the times when things could have been done very differently at camp. The times that I look back and throw up my hands and say “Oh, my! What was I thinking?” One such time was in the summer of 2007 during our 10-day staff training in an event now known as “The Cup Conflict of 2007.” The conflict, now a part of the folklore of the small Kentucky aquatic camp where we were working, could be dissected and used as a case study in so many different ways, but I will try to keep it brief.

After six days of staff training, and many lost dishes, the camp director told us we were no longer permitted to take any dishes, including cups, out of the dining hall. This led to a multiday event of spiraling conflict. There were loyalists. There were detractors. There were folks who had no idea that this conflict was even going on. I was incensed by this mandate. It felt like my access to fresh water had been removed; that the camp didn’t want to see me succeed. My friends and I spun a righteous tale of indignation in which we were the victims of a human atrocity.

All of those feelings were very real, but simultaneously, our logic was completely faulty. Sitting at my desk in my home office 18 years later, I know that our response to a simple cost-saving measure was absolutely irrational. But irrationality doesn’t just exist because someone isn’t smart enough, good enough, patient enough, etc. Irrationality often replaces logic, especially when we have been pushed outside of our “window of tolerance” — for example, when we are in a new place, with new people, working long hours, and not getting enough rest. Summer camp — my favorite place on earth — has the ability to be both a place of wonder and a place that is ripe for emotional dysregulation.

I have always been curious about the Cup Conflict of 2007. I consider myself a pretty rational, functional human. I can almost always (and sometimes annoyingly) find empathy for many different points of view in any given conflict. So why — at that time, in that summer — did I attempt to lead an all-out camp mutiny because of a simple group agreement that was meant to keep dishes where they belonged? As I have learned more about the way our brains work, and how they work in community with other brains, this is a clear example of a time when, as a group, we had exceeded our maximum capacity for resilience.

Understanding Resilience

Looking back, I realize that this wasn’t really about cups at all. It was about how exhaustion and stress can shrink our ability to handle emotionally complex environments. That’s where resilience comes in. “Resilience is the ability to bounce back after facing challenging situations without adversity affecting your chances of future happiness or success” (Resilience Institute, n.d.). In the context of camp staff, resilience is crucial due to the dynamic nature of camp life. I would even argue that the amount of resilience we carry into camp will be a great predictor of our ability to successfully navigate our summer experiences.

The beauty of camp — that young folks gather in a communal space that is often very different from their average daily life — also requires that those who seek to co-create that space (as program leaders) be reliably able to stay emotionally present and regulated as often as possible. While working at camp you will encounter:

• Quick shifts in program planning
• The emotional demands of supporting campers through various real-world challenges
• A rigorous work schedule that can lead to exhaustion
• Environments with high levels of stimulation
• Interpersonal conflicts that can arise when living and working closely with others

Building and maintaining resilience helps you navigate these challenges effectively, ensuring a positive experience for both you and the young people in your care.

The Window of Tolerance

To understand how resilience functions in our daily lives, it’s helpful to explore the concept of the “window of tolerance,” introduced by Dan Siegel, MD.

This concept refers to the optimal zone of arousal in which an individual can function effectively, maintaining the ability to think critically, empathize, and utilize necessary skills. Then within this window, that person is able to process and respond to stressors in a balanced manner (Conery, 2024; Rollins, 2024).

However, when stress pushes you outside this window, you may experience dysregulation, manifesting as either hyperarousal or hypoarousal.

Hyperarousal: This state is associated with the “fight or flight” response, leading to feelings of irritability, anxiety, hypervigilance, and an inability to consider consequences. Hypoarousal: This state corresponds to the “freeze” response, characterized by feelings of exhaustion, detachment, numbness, and a sense of giving up (Conery, 2024; Rollins, 2024).

In both states, it becomes challenging to effectively manage responsibilities, such as supervising a group of energetic campers or responding appropriately to conflict. Therefore, understanding your own window of tolerance and recognizing signs of dysregulation are essential steps toward maintaining resilience and regulation in the camp setting.

Am I Showing Up Logically or Illogically to Conflict?

So now that we know a little bit about our window of tolerance, how can we use this tool to understand how we are showing up in a conflict? First, it is important to note that understanding something “illogically” doesn’t mean that we have done anything wrong. It just means that our brain is currently focusing more on our survival than on our social skills. When we act in ways that completely defy rational thought, it’s not because we are “bad”; it’s because we are humans who have an emotional capacity that, when exceeded, changes our ability to be empathetic and to act in prosocial ways.

Let’s return to the Cup Conflict of 2007, for example. This conflict, which was seemingly about cups, actually had nothing to do with hydration or dishware. In actuality, the staff didn’t feel like they were being heard, we were training 15 hours a day, and it was 90 million degrees in Benton, Kentucky, with 239 percent humidity. To understand all that was at play in the moment, we could have slowed things down and been intentional about uncovering whether we were responding from inside or outside our window of tolerance.

Signs that we were responding from outside our window of tolerance:

• We were overwhelmed with emotions — tears were shed, folks were angry (outraged, even).
• In training sessions during that period it was hard to focus. Folks were falling asleep or unable to participate in meaningful ways.
• Small conflicts of all varieties became very big deals. There were plenty of other non-cup-related conflicts. (Ask me, someday, how I felt about the song “Bazooka Bubblegum.”)
• I distinctly remember my body swinging between never feeling at rest and feeling a complete inability to move at all.
• Social norms broke down, our staff started to divide up into “factions,” and communication quickly eroded.
• There were cup-related emotional outbursts. Enough said.

Signs that would have shown we were inside our window of tolerance:

• We received the information about the cups and were able to take accountability regarding leaving dishes all over the camp’s hundred acres.
• We were able to have an honest discussion about additional rest time that was needed to recenter on our collective purpose.
• As a community, we were able to engage in group problem-solving to meet our hydration needs and ensure that there were enough cups for campers when they arrived the next week.

Five Qualities of Resilience

Not only is it important to know when you are in and out of your window of tolerance, but it is imperative that you know how large (or small) that zone is — and how you can intentionally work to expand it. I do believe that resilience is one of the most essential traits of any camp staff member. Some of the preparation you do to work at camp should be to have an honest self-account of how resilient you will be when faced with the realistic expectations of the job.

To assess and possibly enhance your resilience, you may consider the following five qualities. For each quality, answer the accompanying self-reflection questions to evaluate your strengths and identify areas for growth:

Problem-solving. The ability to develop and implement effective solutions to challenges encountered at camp.

• Will I feel confident in my ability to find solutions when faced with unexpected situations at camp?
• How do I approach complex problems that require quick thinking and adaptability?

Strong social connections. The capacity to form positive relationships within the camp environment and maintain supportive networks outside of camp.

• Am I able to build trusting relationships with fellow staff members and campers?
• Do I have a support system outside of camp that I can rely on during challenging times?

Survivor mentality. The belief in one’s ability to overcome challenges and view oneself as an active problem solver rather than a passive victim of circumstances.

• Do I perceive challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, or do I feel overwhelmed by them?
• How might I respond to setbacks or failures in the camp environment?

Emotional regulation. The ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in a healthy and balanced manner, maintaining presence within the window of tolerance.

• Can I stay calm and focused when faced with stressful situations at camp?
• What strategies do I use to bring myself back to a balanced state when feeling overwhelmed?

Self-compassion. The practice of treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially in the face of mistakes or personal shortcomings.

• How do I talk to myself after making a mistake or facing a difficult situation?
• Am I able to forgive myself and learn from my experiences without excessive self-criticism?

Key Takeaways

Review these key takeaways for the role of resilience at camp:

Resilience is essential. Camp life is dynamic, and the ability to bounce back from challenges is key to a successful and fulfilling experience.

The window of tolerance matters. Understanding when you are inside or outside of your personal window of tolerance can help you respond more effectively to stress.

Recognizing dysregulation is the first step. Hyperarousal and hypoarousal can both impact decision-making and interpersonal relationships.

Conflict often isn’t about the surface issue. The Cup Conflict of 2007 wasn’t about cups — it was about exhaustion, feeling unheard, and needing rest. So, look a little deeper when conflicts arise to make sure you understand the underlying causes.

Take care of yourself. Rest, hydration, and support from others can help keep you in your optimal state for navigating camp life.

Excelling with Resilience

At the end of the day, being a camp staff member is a bit like making the perfect s’more — you need just the right balance. Too much stress, and you’re a burnt marshmallow. Too little challenge, and you’re just a plain ole graham cracker. But when you find that sweet spot — when you recognize your limits, take care of yourself, and lean into resilience — you create something pretty incredible.

Camp will test you, stretch you, and sometimes cover you in more glitter and mystery goo than you thought humanly possible. But if you learn to navigate your window of tolerance, to bend without breaking, and to embrace the beautifully messy moments, you’ll walk away with more than just funny stories. You’ll leave with skills, friendships, and memories that will shape you for a lifetime. And I promise you some of those stories will be about the times when you responded to challenges in completely illogical ways.

So, take a deep breath, process and accept the cup rules for what they are, and remember: resilience isn’t about never feeling overwhelmed — it’s about knowing when to step back, when to push forward, and how to make the most of every wild, wonderful moment. Because when you do, camp isn’t just a job — it’s one of the best experiences you’ll ever have.

Discussion Questions Do you feel like you have a good understanding of the parameters of your window of tolerance? Why or why not? What might you do to reset if you realize you are overwhelmed and reacting to a surface issue rather than addressing the deeper reason(s) for your feelings? What is one way you can actively work to enhance one or more of the five resilience qualities (problem-solving, strong social connections, survivor mentality, emotional regulation, and self-compassion) within yourself and/or your campers this summer?

References

Conery, J. (2024, October 4). Expanding your window of tolerance: A path to emotional resilience through somatic yoga. Jeanette Conery Yoga Therapy. jeanetteconery.com/blog/the-window-of-tolerance-the-full-picture?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Resilience Institute. (n.d.). A guide to measuring resilience. resiliencei.com/blog/a-guide-to-measuring-resilience

Rollins, S. (2024, July 25). Navigating trauma triggers: How polyvagal theory can expand your window of tolerance. Embodied Wellness, PLLC. embodiedwellnesstherapy.com/blog/navigating-trauma-triggers-polyvagal-theory-window-of-tolerance?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Chris Rehs-Dupin is the cofounder and co-executive director of TQAMP, an organization that supports camps and youth-focused organizations to become spaces of belonging for people of all genders and sexualities.