The challenge: behavior and group management skills — one of the skill sets needed first and most by staff — must compete for schedule space during training with so much other critical information. And no matter how much of that space is allocated, staff feedback at the end of the summer is that they wanted more. More help with behavior. More information about what to do when a camper does “X.” More strategies for how to handle it when the situation is “Y.” In reality, there’s no way to train staff on each X and Y (and forget the rest of the A–Z!) that will come up in their day-to-day interactions with campers.

Nonetheless, that’s what staff want: a specific field guide titled “When They Do A, I Do B.” 

Spoiler alert: to the best of our ability, we should give them exactly that guide. 

There is much to be said for teaching staff the deep body of knowledge that makes up youth development practices. For years, I included in my staff training content many of the philosophical and psychological concepts around how children grow, learn, and develop. And while there is a place for that, nothing in that content helps a staff member know how to respond in the moment on Monday afternoon when a camper refuses to leave the crafts table and transition to soccer. Our staff are asking for exactly what they need: answers and a plan. And no, “Fake it ’til you make it” isn’t a plan. (Well . . . fine, but it’s not a very good plan.)

So, if you have a couple of hours (or less) to cover behavior and group management, go for the guts of it: “This is what we want you to do when kids do . . . whatever they’re going to do.” Give staff simple, explicit, immediately implementable behavior and group management skills, and for goodness’ sake, leave enough time to teach them how to plunge a toilet.

Here’s a look at how to teach three of the many skills your staff will need to find communication and behavioral success with their campers this summer. 

1. Build the Relationship Bank

What it does: creates a “savings account” of positive interactions between staff and each of their campers.

Note: This might be my favorite way to bring home to staff the incredible importance of creating meaningful relationships with campers from minute one, because it removes the vague “get to know them” mandate we often teach and replaces it with specific action staff should take. 

How to teach it: Ask staff, “What would happen if you went into the bank to take out $10,000 from your account? Wait, you don’t have $10,000 in your account? If that’s the case, taking the $10,000 would be, well . . . stealing. You can’t take money that you don’t have, right? You have to make deposits along the way so that when you need to make a withdrawal, you don’t zero out the account!” 

Then, teach staff that the same thing applies with the (metaphorical) relationship bank account that they will want to set up with each camper. Deposits into the relationship account are any and all positive interactions they have with the camper: praising them, giving them staff attention, asking how their day is going, teaching them a skill, or noticing their new friendship bracelet, to name just a few. Then, when the time comes to make a withdrawal — such as asking the camper to change the choice they are making, reminding them to use kind words, or telling them to stop doing something unsafe, for example — the discussion won’t close the account, because there is a buildup of credit in there. Remind staff that campers will always respond better to staff with whom they have built a relationship — so they should not delay in setting up those “accounts” and adding to them daily. 

Staff will need to: 

• Understand and believe in the importance of the foundational staff-camper relationship.
• Identify actual deposits (“Nice shoes!” doesn’t count as praise — no banking!) and be aware of hidden withdrawals (unintentional negative interactions such as simply not engaging with the camper).
• Make approximately three deposits for every one withdrawal (3:1 ratio of praise/attention to reminders/requests).
• Make extra effort to refill the account after significant, challenging interactions, without being obvious or fake about it.

2. Use Choice Instead of Demand

What it does: eliminates power struggles before they happen.

Note: When we teach staff about avoiding a power struggle, we need to further explain that when they speak in a demanding tone or present campers with mandates instead of choices, they unintentionally create the power struggle they are trying to avoid. Helping staff to understand the importance of giving kids choice rather than insisting on the “adult’s way” is the key to success with this strategy.

How to teach it: Do a little monologue for staff. “Let’s say you walk into a car dealership just to poke around. You’re not planning to buy a car today — you just want to see what’s out there. You like the green car with the leather interior and are looking at it when the salesperson comes over and asks if you’ve noticed the blue car over there. Nope, you haven’t! 

“Let’s take a look at it, shall we?” they say. “I think you’ll like it. It has a moon roof!” 

“Ooooh,” you think to yourself. “I never thought about a moon roof.” 

You check out the car. “So, which will it be?” asks the salesperson. “The green with leather or the blue with moon roof?” 

You think about it and weigh the choices. “Let’s go with the blue,” you answer confidently. 

Then ask the staff: “Did you just buy a car?” They will all agree that, yes, in the scenario you just told them, they decided to buy the blue car. Ask if anyone saw how that happened. Sometimes a staff member will volunteer the answer, or you can explain that you sneakily steered them from a yes/no choice to a yes/yes choice. It’s a very subtle and very successful sales technique where the choice you had when you started — buy a car or don’t — was shifted to which car. No longer yes or no, but blue or green. The presupposition is you’re buying a car; we just need to figure out which one you like better.

This is how the strategy to use choice instead of demand works with campers too. The choice isn’t “Do you want to eat lunch?” (yes/no) but “Do you want to eat lunch at the table or under the tree?” (yes/yes). It isn’t “Do you want to change into your swimsuit?” but rather “Should we eat a snack, then change into swimsuits or change and have our snack after?” And they will pick one! It’s like magic. 

Staff will need to:

• Learn that when adults demand things, youth can “win” only by disagreeing, because the adult has chosen the “right” choice already.
• Offer only choices that the staff is OK with (even if they have a preference for one over the other, staff will need to follow the camper’s lead once the camper makes either choice).
• Be willing to let kids “have the win” sometimes — “my way or the highway” just doesn’t work.

Note: Staff love this strategy because it feels like they’ve been let in on a life hack that only “adultier” adults know. And on top of that, you’re giving the staff permission — in fact, encouraging them — to use that covert knowledge to get kids to do what they’re being asked without argument. In short, once they try this strategy and it works, staff will think you’re a child whisperer.

3. “What Do You Need?”

What it does: teaches campers that when they use their words, staff will listen and help them. It also reminds staff to listen to campers instead of automatically imposing an adult’s perspective on the situation.

How to teach it: First, explain that the entire strategy is based on replacing a bunch of other possible replies with a simple “What do you need?” said in a calm, quiet, helpful tone, and then listening for the answer. Then it’s all about helping campers get what they asked for, unless it’s truly not possible, at which point staff should help them access/accept the next best thing.

Let’s use the example of a camper who refuses to leave arts and crafts and is yelling. Staff should ignore all the situational “fluff” (loud/inappropriate language, refusal to transition, big reactions) and keep it simple with an approach-acknowledge-ask strategy. Say to the camper, “Hey, Jayden. You seem upset. What do you need right now?” Approach (“Hey Jayden”), acknowledge their feelings (“You seem upset”), and ask (“What do you need right now?”). 

The reply may still be emotionally heightened, and also seek something that isn’t possible, such as “I need to stay at arts and crafts right now!” That’s not an option, so staff should offer a close alternative, starting with a “yes-phrase” (that is, beginning their reply with something like “OK” instead of “We can’t because . . .”). It might sound like: “OK, that makes sense. Our whole group is transitioning together. Let’s grab your coloring page and a few markers and take them with us so you can keep working on this cool . . . dinosaur with a kite?” Best camper reply you can get in this situation: “Uh, it’s a penguin with a fishing rod. But OK, I’m coming. Don’t forget the green marker.”

If you want to explain to staff why this works, here’s the answer: it’s because adults often tell kids what the adult thinks they need and then kids feel they have to escalate to yelling, flailing, or fighting to communicate what they actually need. That is, adults often unintentionally teach kids, “Since I’m not listening to your words, escalate your actions until I take you seriously.” Kids generally aren’t used to an adult just saying, “OK, tell me what you need, and we’ll figure it out.” It catches them off guard, which gives your logical, calm solution a second to land in the frustration, percolate, and get processed. And the approach itself builds tons of trust (not to mention puts deposits into the account)!

Staff will need to:

• Validate campers’ feelings (let them know it’s OK to need things and to have feelings).
• Convey true consideration/concern.
• Act intentionally to try to fulfill needs (help staff think about starting from a place of “yes” instead of “not allowed”).
• Avoid getting hung up on fairness. If others in the group are concerned that one camper got something they didn’t, teach staff to explain that their job isn’t to be fair (everyone gets the same thing regardless of need), it’s to make sure everyone in the group gets what they need to be successful.

Note: Teaching “What do you need?” is also a great time to introduce the general concept of speaking in an appropriate tone to campers. There’s a significant difference between a huffy, eye-rolling “Ugh, Audrey, what do you need?” and a cheerful, confident, “Hey Audrey! What do you need right now, kiddo?” Staff can brainstorm other phrases that could be either helpful or counterproductive based on changing inflection, body language, or presentation. Staff can have some fun sharing their interpretations with the group, and it really drives home the importance of choosing the right way to say the right things (instead of putting the wrong em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble).

In Conclusion

Your staff are searching for simple, clear, accessible strategies to help them best manage camper and group behaviors with less stress and more success. The techniques shared here are just a few of the methods you can teach your staff to add to their lead-with-confidence toolboxes and set them up for a winning summer! 

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Emily Golinsky, MS, provides training, consulting, professional development, and advocacy for camps, schools, and youth development organizations through her company Bright Moose LLC. Emily welcomes feedback and conversation at emily@brightmoosetraining.com.

Photo courtesy of Camp Friendship, Palmyra, VA.