Alex, a seven-year-old, first-time day camper, arrives for his first day at camp. Almost from the moment he steps out of his mom’s car, he appears restless, constantly on the move, and difficult to engage. He rarely responds when asked a direct question and doesn’t seem interested in playing games with the rest of his group. On the beach, he keeps throwing sand and climbing rocks, even when his counselor asks him to stop.
Later that day on the playground, Alex is clearly overstimulated. He is playing with the other kids, but his play is chaotic and aggressive. The other kids aren’t helping — they egg him on — which only escalates his behavior. He starts swinging a big stick around. When the counselor tries to take the stick, Alex lashes out and bites the counselor on his arm.
Situations like this are, unfortunately, familiar to camp staff. Challenging behavior takes a toll on counselors and administrators, and strains relationships between the camp and parents. Behavior management strategies are sometimes effective, but for some kids, these strategies don’t seem to make a difference. Small behaviors can escalate to bigger ones, often ending in meltdowns with kids or staff getting hurt, and ultimately, kids getting sent home.
We often fail to address the underlying issues causing big behaviors, though not for lack of trying. As camp staff, you may be aware that behavior is a way that kids communicate unmet needs. The challenge is that the unmet needs are often numerous and complex, and we’re unlikely to be able to unravel them in a week or a month of camp.
The good news is that the past few decades have seen tremendous growth in understanding the origins of challenging behaviors, thanks to discoveries in the fields of affective and relational neuroscience. These fields explore the critical role of our autonomic nervous system and our relationships with others in shaping behavior. They also point to strategies that you can use to both prevent and respond to difficult behaviors, and ultimately, a transformative shift in how we understand behavior management.
Neuroception and the Autonomic Nervous System
Our nervous system gathers information from the world around us through a process called neuroception. Think of neuroception as the security system of the brain and body. It is continuously scanning for cues of safety and threat in our physical environment, inside our bodies, and in our relationships with other people (Porges, 2023). Neuroception is constantly asking “Am I safe or unsafe?” These cues cause our nervous system to reflexively respond to potential threats by triggering our fight, flight, or freeze response.
The thing about neuroception is that it often detects threat where there is none; it acts below our conscious awareness and makes an instantaneous decision: safe or unsafe. We all experience this to varying degrees on a daily basis. A door slams and makes you jump. Hunger pangs from missing breakfast cause you to snap at your cabin co-counselor. An email from your supervisor saying “We need to talk” forms a pit in your stomach. These all register as cues of danger and activate our survival response — at least until our “upstairs brain” (prefrontal cortex) kicks in and reminds us that we’re safe.
For many people, their neuroception is highly attuned to danger, meaning that their nervous system is more likely to detect threat than safety. This could be caused by past trauma, chronic stress, mental health conditions, or by brain differences such as autism (Porges, 2023). These individuals have nervous systems that overreact (or in some cases, underreact) to signals of threat. They experience nervous system activation constantly — from the world around them, from their own bodies, and from their interactions with other people (Gobbel, 2023).
Back to Alex. Though it may not have been obvious, Alex’s behavior was an indication of nervous system dysregulation. Dysregulation occurs when our nervous system is experiencing activation (fight/flight/freeze), and we are unable to shift out of that state. Alex was likely experiencing overwhelming cues of threats from the moment he arrived at camp, such as:
- A new, unfamiliar environment
- Campers and staff he didn’t yet know or trust
- Games he didn’t know the rules to
- Dehydration
- Extreme temperatures
- Having to walk everywhere
- Needing to pee but not knowing where to go
- Bug bites
- A whole host of rules and expectations he didn’t fully understand
Camp is full of sources of dysregulation. In fact, whether we realize it or not, camp is that way on purpose. When we experience small doses of dysregulation (through challenge and adversity), and when we can return to a safe and regulated state afterward, that is how we learn, grow, and develop resilience. Only when we feel safe can we engage with our world and with each other. However, someone in a constant state of dysregulation — rarely returning to safety — not only cannot grow from a challenging experience, but they may actually be at risk of experiencing further harm or trauma (Porges, 2023).
We may never know the exact causes of Alex’s dysregulation, or the underlying causes (trauma, neurodivergence, or something else). But when we use a nervous system lens to understand behavior, we can recognize that Alex is a child in distress rather than one behaving badly, and take steps to help him feel safe.
Behavior Is an Adaptive Response
So where does behavior come from? When we receive cues of danger and our nervous system is activated, we are either in a state of mobilization (fight or flight) or in a state of immobilization (freeze). The resulting emotional state may look like anger, fear, anxiety, panic, aggression, withdrawal, or some combination of these responses. Behavior is an individual’s adaptive response to reduce the perceived threat and get back to a place of safety (Delahooke, 2019).
- Fight: Physical or verbal aggression, throwing or destroying things, defiance, bullying
- Flight: Running away, hiding, lying, deflection
- Freeze: Fatigue, quietness, withdrawal, shutdown
Two other behaviors that deserve attention are fawning and masking. Fawning can look like compliance, perfectionism, and people-pleasing behavior and often gets overlooked as a stress response. Masking is when an individual hides their emotional distress to “fit in” with peers and avoid drawing attention. Both are more common in girls and women, and both can be harmful in ways that are less visible than outwardly difficult behavior. Suppressing emotions can cause them to build up and often erupt later, typically at home where the child feels safest.
Fight, flight, and freeze behaviors are the big behaviors that get our attention, but it’s important to remember that there are usually earlier signs to indicate a child is in distress. Alex showed these signs when he first arrived at camp — he was fidgety, restless, having trouble engaging with peers, throwing sand, and climbing rocks. When the camp staff responded by asking him to stop, it wasn’t effective because he was dysregulated and unable to access his “upstairs brain.” What he needed was someone to recognize that he was in distress and get curious about why.
A Transformative Shift in Behavior Response
Traditional behavior management strategies rely on adults teaching kids to behave correctly, often by praising or rewarding positive behavior and correcting or imposing consequences for negative behavior. But this strategy fails to recognize that “negative” behavior signals a child in distress. It also doesn’t account for the loss of “upstairs brain” thinking, which inhibits kids’ ability to act mindfully when overwhelmed. Reward-and-consequence systems don’t address the underlying distress or build skills for emotional regulation.
Our nervous system activates when the cues of danger outweigh the cues of safety. A child who has disruptive or challenging behaviors at camp is likely experiencing frequent cues of danger. So the approach to supporting that child needs to start with reducing cues of threat and increasing cues of safety.
How do we do that? By looking at each individual’s unique nervous system. What registers as safety for one child may be perceived as a threat by another. When we realize a camper is feeling unsettled, we can support them by removing or reducing stressors whenever possible. Some practical examples include:
- Offering opportunities to take breaks from the group
- Providing options to avoid noisy or crowded spaces
- Minimizing surprises through clear schedules, expectations, and advance notice of changes
- Providing lots of opportunity for choice and control
- Utilizing headphones for noise sensitivity
Increasing cues of safety can involve regulating activities like sensory play and special interests. But one of the most effective ways to soothe a nervous system is through connection. We all have a deep need for connection, though nervous system vulnerabilities like trauma and neurodivergence can make it more challenging — especially when the brain is primed to detect danger.
We are social creatures who rely on one another for safety and survival. Our nervous systems are attuned to each other — especially with people we trust — so when we experience distress, we are actually soothed and calmed by the regulated nervous systems of those around us. This is called co-regulation, and it’s essential to our sense of safety (Porges, 2023).
When one of your campers is dysregulated, you can increase cues of safety through your proximity, tone of voice, and body language. Avoid correcting or trying to stop behavior unless it poses immediate harm. The goal is to attune to their nervous system and show them that you are not a threat. Ways to increase cues of safety include:
- Crouching or sitting nearby to put yourself lower than the child
- Using relaxed and open body posture
- Keeping your voice calm and curious
- Focusing your attention on the camper while avoiding direct eye contact
- Limiting talking and avoiding questions until the child is ready to engage
When Alex was in distress, he didn’t need firmer limits or correction, he needed co-regulation. He needed a safe nervous system to help bring him back to a regulated state. Perhaps if a counselor had crouched down nearby, stayed still, and waited to engage with him until he was ready, Alex would have felt safe enough to share how he was feeling. When kids feel safe enough to express their emotions, we can help them navigate challenging situations with empathy, building skills of self-advocacy and conflict resolution.
An Opportunity for Camps
Kids come to camp with a wide array of challenges, life experiences, and neurodiversity, and their behavior reflects that diversity. The benefit of using a nervous system lens is that the approach to understanding and supporting behavior can be universal. You don’t need to be mental health professionals to analyze where behavior comes from; you only need to respond with compassion and work toward building your campers’ sense of safety.
A nervous system approach to behavior response isn’t a magic solution that makes behavior challenges disappear. Many kids still lack the emotional regulation skills to be successful at camp. What it can do is give us language to better communicate about why camp isn’t working for a child without the shame that often accompanies “bad” behavior.
Camps provide incredible opportunities to model strategies for nervous system regulation, for us and our campers alike. When we shift our focus from managing behavior to supporting nervous systems, we can give more campers the opportunity to thrive. It’s work worth doing — and the payoff is a more inclusive, connected, and resilient camp community.
Discussion Questions
- What does it feel like inside when you mask emotional distress to fit in, and how can the camp environment help to reduce the instinct to engage in masking?
- Because connection can help sooth a dysregulated nervous system, how might you connect with a camper who seems to feel unsettled?
- What are some things you can do when you first meet a camper to signal safety?
Photos courtesy of Skyline Camp and Retreat Center, Almont, MI, Cheley Colorado Camps, Estes Park, CO, Camp Victory — The Dennis Wolff Foundation, Millville, PA.
References
Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond behaviors: Using brain science and compassion to understand and solve children’s behavioral challenges. Eau Claire, WI: PESI Publishers.
Gobbel, R. (2023). Raising kids with big, baffling behaviors: Brain-body-sensory strategies that really work. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Porges, S. W. & Porges, S. (2023). Our polyvagal world: How safety and trauma change us. New York, NY: Norton Professional Books.
Carrie Lawson is the owner and director of Mindful Camp Consulting LLC as well as the director of strategic initiatives for Camp Fire Central Puget Sound. She has over 20 years of experience as a camp director and provides professional development and support for camps across the country. Carrie is also the parent of 10-year-old and proud day camper, Teddy. For more information, visit mindfulcampconsulting.com or campfireseattle.org.
